my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
