i already hear my dad disowning me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
