Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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