I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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