so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
