I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
