We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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