I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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