Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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