Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
