i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
