I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's the barista slut.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
