My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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