Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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