The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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