i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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