I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
