he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
