she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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