She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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