Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
