boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
