I can text with my tongue
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
