Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She told me I should be a condom model.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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