i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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