you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
