Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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