Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
