My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
