we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
