So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
