oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
