Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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