I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
