I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
