i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
