U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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