last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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