Too much gin, very little bucket
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
