im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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