Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
