If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
