Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
