that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
