My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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