Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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