He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
