Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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