how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
