There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
