when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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