i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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